13.2.14

Why I don't want a job


Being a stay at home parent can be a thankless job sometimes. As a highly task orientated person I often struggle to find the joys of parenting because I don’t feel that I’ve achieved much during the day. {Cooked food, changed nappies, played blocks and kept us all alive for another 24 hours? Tick!}

I think a big part of this is that I have let my confidence be eroded by our society’s view of motherhood. While other cultures and ages have celebrated mothers it often feels that in our society staying at home to look after your kids is just something you do for a while before getting on with your real calling – your job.

I am asked all the time when I am going back to work. While I don’t find that question offensive – especially if it’s a friend just making conversation – I have found it the attitude of all too many people that if you’re not earning money you are not contributing to society. 

I often find myself making excuses and hedging around the subject because the truth sounds so strange and foreign: I want to be a vicar’s wife and a stay at home mother.


God had been telling me that I would be in full time Christian work even before Josh started training to be a vicar, but I can see clearly now that my gifts and the training I have received have all been leading up to this point. My perfect job would include admin, event organisation, hosting, design, problem solving and pioneering new activities and projects– all of which will come under my remit as a vicar’s wife. I don’t see my role as simply being a support for Josh and Ivy in a 1950’s housewife kind of way, but that I’ll have my own individual role in our church and community as well. 

However. alongside that the majority of my time is taken up caring for Ivy. We have always planned that I would stay at home to look after our children and have tried to make financial cutbacks to allow this to happen. I feel that we, her parents, are the best people to raise Ivy day-to-day and there is no need to put her in day-care when I don’t need to go back to work. 


I doubt we are ever going to have much money, but at the moment I have something far more valuable; time. Time to spend with my daughter in her formative years, time to support Josh in his job, time to give to our community, time to share in hospitality and time to form and maintain friendships. 

I don’t want a job, but I do want to work. I want to follow my dream even if it does run against the tide of contemporary society. If God tells me to get a full time job in the future I will, but right now I need to stop being ashamed of my calling for this season in life.  My value is not found in the money I make so I need to stop equating my self worth with my net worth. I am achieving something of value every single day, even if that gets lost under a pile of laundry and dirty nappies sometimes. 

Next time you see a mother with her child tell her she is doing a good job. She is teaching and training a precious life and that is a job of great worth and importance - maybe she needs to be reminded of that today.

16 comments:

  1. Great post, Rachel! I feel the same when someone asks me if/when I'm going back to work. Uhhmm... I'm already WORKING. I'm a mom to a precious baby boy. That's the hardest, most challenging, AND best job I've ever had. It's a full time 24/7 job. And yes, sometimes (most days) I feel like I'm not a good mom, like I'm not doing "enough". But I wouldn't change anything about this new adventure/job. I don't want another job. Sure, we won't be making a lot of money. Sure, we have to spend carefully and sure, we may not be able to go on vacation abroad. But I want to be a SAHM. Period. It's the most important contribution I can do to our society.

    ReplyDelete
  2. :) you have a wonderful job Rachel and, unlike everyone else, its not one you can leave at the door. You are going to be an amazing vicars wife, but its so good that you're able to spend time focusing on Ivy in her formative years :) what an exciting time ahead! :) love xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. :) you have a wonderful job Rachel and, unlike everyone else, its not one you can leave at the door. You are going to be an amazing vicars wife, but its so good that you're able to spend time focusing on Ivy in her formative years :) what an exciting time ahead! :) love xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I did what you are doing Rach, and I wouldn't trade those years for anything. It helped to make me an all-around balanced person and, I believe, helped to solidify the relationship and closeness my children have with one another. Besides all that, I had a blast! xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes! Love this. I love my job as a mother who stays ar home to raise her children, I believe it's *definitely* a full time job and of great worth to society. Even more so, what a blessing to daily be side-by-side our children and raise them in the grace & knowledge of the Lord, equipping them to share the love of Jesus with this hurting world. Modern society values money way more than children and families so there's no surprise there that they think we're fools and useless. But we can rest in the knowledge that children are so important to God and it's a blessed thing to be able to commit your life to their upbringing. It's a challenging task for sure, but a good one. Certainly there's nothing wrong with being a mom and working outside of the home, either, but I think a lot of people don't want to acknowledge that both roles have worth & that all moms are full-time moms. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, follow God's unique leading in your life and He will bless it as You walk in Him :) you're doing a great job!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love this! Never be ashamed of what you are doing with your life!!

    This...
    I don’t want a job, but I do want to work.
    This is how I think as well! Life should never be idle... but not being idle doesn't necessarily equal a paycheck.

    You might also find, like I did, that some of your hobbies grow into money makers. I never dreamed I would be making money through photography and crocheting but I do. And I am still able to be a stay at home mom and set my own schedules. I'm my own boss and I only have to work as much as I want to. It gives us a little extra income but I still have time for my family and service to God. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I believe that being a stay at home mother is very valuable and important. I truly admire you for that :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Go Rach! I really dispair at the pressure on families in our society, and the whole pressure on everyone to be working 9-5. I think if God has a calling on your life, whatever it is, you should follow it because if you don't you are seriously missing out. I'm glad you and Josh have both taken the plunge to follow God's calling. Well done, may you see the fruits of your faithfulness. :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Fantastic! I love not equating your self worth with your net worth, that is very very wise. Over the years society has done an excellent job in devaluing all the "feminine" skills to the point where even women protest if they are described as 'caring' or 'emotional'. God gave us special qualities that are different to men, not because he had given away his best to Adam and all he had left for us were 'soft' or 'weak' skills, but because these were vital, essential traits that are needed to train the next generation of warriors.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What a great post. It is so hard to accept our calling from God sometimes but it sounds as if you are settling into it just fine and like you say it is time to hold your head up high and forgot what Jo bloggs has to say about it. I made this change to stay at home Mum (who also does voluntary and some paid work) and it is so right, I know it is just what God wants right now. Thanks for sharing. Mich x

    ReplyDelete
  11. I love this post, as a foster carer many people ask me when am I going to get a real job. At times i feel like screaming this is a real job the only thing missing is a real wage.

    I think I missed this question when my girls were growing up mainly due to the fact that I had a disabled daughter but even then i realised raising our children seemed a second class profession to most. How can raising the future of our world been seen as anything but first class.

    Its also fantastic that you are listening to God and know that you are right where he wants you, what else do you need xxx

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes! Yes! Yes! This is a message that is being lost in our society. I too have taken the decision to be at home. A teacher by trade, I find it fascinating that it is totally admirable and acceptable for me to spend my days teaching and training other people's children, but not my own! Thankyou for sharing this!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Go you! This is so encouraging Rachel as I couldn't agree more. I've been wanting work as a paid writer/editor for sometime now but you know what, it suddenly dawned on my recently that as a volunteer editor of our church magazine, I am doing exactly the job I am seeking God for already! It may be unpaid but I'm doing a better work by serving the community in this way. This is such a wonderful post :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. So so true! I've often struggled with the frustration of not having achieved much during the day particularly when we were homeschooling - so many of the 'housework' jobs didn't get done so I ended up feeling useless even though actually the boys were learning fantastic amounts and we had Miss T to look after too along with managing to feed them and do the essential chores like washing up and laundry. Well done you for recognising the importance of what you are doing right now and how it is what God has called you to do. x

    ReplyDelete
  15. Children are such a blessing and it goes so fast, i heard someone say it takes a church to raise a child (not sure if i am imagining this or not lol) you never know whats round the corner, just because your not in a job doesnt mean god wont use you to do his work :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I totally agree! I feel like so much emphasis is placed on a career these days - but any job I have isn't going to leave the legacy that being a wife and mother will. Raising my children and trying to teach them to follow Jesus is more important.

    ReplyDelete