7.8.12

The Truth about Pregnancy

There’s always a temptation in blogging to censor what you write to show yourself in the best light. Naturally I want you guys to see the happy, fun, friendly Rachel not the stroppy, stressy, control-freak woman of doom I can sometimes become.  And yet I want to be real on my blog. I want to be me so that I can remember my life how it really was and see how God works through the difficult times as well as the good.

I write all that because the truth is I’m finding pregnancy all a bit overwhelming at the moment.
I’ve been really blessed by having a relatively easy pregnancy so far {except for all the vomiting at the start - blargh} and people have commented how well I’m looking and how relaxed I seem to be about it all.
Of course, I’d quite like to keep up the pretence that I’m natural mother material and that I’m totally relaxed with the natural process of making a baby, but let’s just pause and smash the illusion with a big fat sledge hammer shall we?
I’M SCARED!
I used to watch programmes like Midwives and One born every minute crying hormone-induced tears of joy because ‘we’re having a baby!’ Now I just watch it with hands over my face thinking ‘that looks like it REALLY HURTS!’
I know that it’s natural to feel like this and I guess it’s just the unknown which is the worst. I’ve got all these thoughts about labour and pain relief (as natural as possible please) but how can I make plans when I have no comprehension of what it’s going to be like?! Pethadine and Epidurals are talked about as if they are the expected things nowadays, but surely our bodies are made to give birth without drugs?
And don’t even talk to me about having a baby. We don’t know anything about babies! How am I meant to know how to look after this new human being who is totally dependent on me for life?
On top of all of this I went for a midwife appointment today and I’m still measuring the same as at my last appointment (31cm – I should be 34) so I’ve got to go in to hospital for a scan on Thursday to check that the baby is developing okay. I’m sure everything will be fine but Josh is away on his placement and everyone else in Cardiff seems to be on holiday and I’m just feeling a bit lonely and sorry for myself.
It seems like all the tests that they do to check the baby just makes you more paranoid about how it’s developing. I’ve currently got glucose in the urine, low platelets and a small bump so in my mind I’ve got gestational diabetes, my baby isn’t growing and I’m going to bleed to death at birth. It’s natural to be this paranoid, right?!
This is why I need Josh to talk some sense into me when my mind starts running riot…but seriously it’s so weird having your child growing inside you. You want to do the best for it but at the same time you have no control.
I guess I’m missing the big point that it’s God that is in control and not me and that I just need to trust him for his plan. It’s still hard when you’re on your own and your imagination is going crazy though. Blahh.
On a slightly more positive note, has anyone got any recommendations for books/websites on baby care please?

5 comments:

  1. Aww... I remember dealing with very similar feelings. It's one of those things that no matter how much you plan and think you know you will never truly be ready. It's unknown. But it isn't impossible. :)

    Child birth freaks me out haha. I went in thinking "I'll go as long as I can without 'help' but when I get to the point I can't stand it I'll ask for what's available." I ended up with epidurals both times because I'm a sissy. My sister had both of hers completely natural. You just can't know until you are going through it. I know that might not help you a lot now but I guess my point is that worrying about it now will rob you of the enjoyment of these last baby-free days.

    My most favorite book for newborns is On Becoming Babywise. GREAT advice!!! I give it to everyone and swear by it.

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  2. Longest comment EVA:

    I felt the same way! Ahhh! Yes, it's natural to be paranoid! It's a mom thing haha. Pregnancy is a beautiful, yet very nerve-wracking life experience. My advice is whenever you have the impulse to worry, pray about it right there and then. I'll definitely be praying for you and your little one, I have a feeling all is well, too :)

    Childbirth is so different for everyone, that is a conclusion I come back to again & again. I didn't even get to go to a birthing class or anything because our daughter was six weeks premature. Talk about being thrown unarmed into the lions den hahaha! I say if you want to do it natural, go for it, and if you need the drugs take the drugs! I was induced, but labor was so quick that I didn't have time to get an epidural. I feel like especially on the internet women get a lot of guilt-trips thrown at them because of how they gave birth, and the last thing a new mom needs is guilt (believe me). Anyway I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't worry, it will go by so fast and you'll do so much better than you think! Our bodies know what they're doing and your midwife is a pro who can give you the care you need. I know when everything crazy happened with my pregnancy (being on hospital bed-rest and then the birth and then having M in the neonatal intensive care unit for two weeks) the Lord just really taught me that I truly can only take things as they come, leaning on Him to give me the strength I need when I was overwhelmed by everything going on around me. He is so faithful to provide strength through the joyful chaos that is new parenthood.

    And oh it is SO hard when husbands are away! I agree it's much easier to obsess about everything when you don't have them around to talk about your concerns ((Hugs)) I'll be praying for you about that, too, that this will be an opportunity to draw closer to the Lord & that you'll have a happy reunion when your man comes home.

    Also, I wanted to assure you that you will be a great mother. Seriously. We knew ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about babies when we had M, and had to learn everything about basic baby care while we were in the NICU. I had never changed a diaper more than once or twice. And now, I think I'm a diaper-changing machine. Parenthood is totally an on-the-job-learning thing and you also will have a strong mother's instinct that alerts you when things are wrong (it's true!). On Becoming Babywise is a good book, definitely good if you're looking to get your baby on a consistent schedule. The book that helped us the most with sleeping habits is Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023). If you're more into the attachment parenting trend, Dr. Sears website is very helpful (http://www.askdrsears.com/).

    Sorry I wrote so much! Hope at least some of it makes sense!

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  3. Oh Rachel, I think it's perfectly normal to be scared! But honestly, try not to worry - so much of it comes naturally once you are actually going through it. I thought What To Expect The First Year was a helpful book as far as knowing what might be going on with this new little life that you are suddenly responsible for! But the rest will just come to you, so don't worry! And I'll be praying baby is growing well, but I wouldn't worry until they tell you there is something to worry about...I measured behind at the end with Wyatt too, but it was just because he dropped early! And it's kind of fun to get to see them again toward the end of pregnancy. :-)

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  4. Aw! Girl, I have never been pregnant (still trying), but I used to do nothing but be excited about one day being pregnant, now i sometimes think about what could go wrong with the baby or how painful labor might be (even though i, too, hope to go natural). I'm sure my fears will escalate times ten when i am actually pregnant! But of course everything will work out. I will be praying for you - for baby's health and for your hubby to be home soon! :)

    I have heard great things about Babywise. Also, have you read Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth? It's really encouraging about the natural birth thing.

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  5. If you can find the episode online, there is one of the One Born... programmes where a very cool looking young couple, both fashion designers if I remember rightly, are having their first baby. I don't think she had attended any classes because she had faith in being able to just do it. She gave birth in a pool, without painkillers, without making any noise at all. Totally quiet and calm the whole time!! She was upright, as was another of the programme's more silent stars. This is the way it has been done for millenia, and I don't understand why women are expected to push what is a heavy weight along horizontally. Years ago in a Greek museum I saw a birthing chair, and was really impressed. Gravity does lots of the work!

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