23.9.11

Culture Shock

I haven’t known what to write lately.
I wanted to blog about the forest we found to walk in on Wednesday, and the new people we have met and have had coffee with, but at the same time I wanted to write truthfully; and truthfully all I’ve wanted to do it rant. But that’s not helpful. I don’t want to grumble and complain and moan, and that’s probably what I would have done if I’d blogged, so I’ve just kept quiet.
But I still feel really sad.
I know the promises that God has made and I know he has a good plan for us, but it doesn’t make this easier right now.

I thought I was settling in quite well but Josh has started his course today and it’s just hit home that I’m hardly going to see him. We’ve spent nearly every day together for the last three months 24/7 and now he’s going to be at college from 7.30am to about 6.30pm Monday to Friday.
He’ll be eating all his meals on campus, but I’m only allowed to go in to have two meals a week with him.
I know that those are fairly normal working hours, and back in Aber we often found it hard to fit in quality time when we were working, but I just feel a bit lost. He’s started on this new adventure and I don’t have a job, I only know a few people superficially and I don’t have anything to do. I feel at a loose end.
In theory I’m happy to potter round the house being a house-wife, but I can’t shake off a niggling guilty feeling that I should be working or doing something outside of the home.

I’m also finding the city really hard. I often wonder if people think we’re joking when we talk about how much the city scares us.
I’m.not.joking.
I feel culture shocked. The thing I’m finding hardest is the fact that everything is so far apart. You have to use some form of transport to go pretty much anywhere.
You may not know but I HATE driving. I had a lazy eye that was corrected as a child so I don’t really see much out of my left side. As a result I find it really hard to judge distances. I don’t have a driving phobia, I just genuinely feel like I’m a danger being on the road. I’m not at all confident doing manoeuvres or parking because I feel like I might crash into something or someone.
Josh is going to be so busy with college that I can’t rely on him to give me lifts all the time.
If I want a job, or to visit friends, or go shopping I’m going to have to drive, or find a bus. Thousands of people manage it every day and I know I probably sound pathetic, but I don’t a clue where anything is in this place and it’s not on my top list of favourite things to have to find it all out by myself.
I know there isn’t any point in moaning or feeling sorry for myself; I just need to get on with it. But right now I’m just finding it really hard.
God is probably using this experience of taking me completely out of my comfort zone to teach me and make me a better person, but right now it’s difficult to see it as a good thing!
If someone would like to headhunt me for a job that it just round the corner from my house, that would be great. Thanks.

8 comments:

  1. Oh dear! It can only get better. We are thinking of coming up on Monday so will that help? We could catch a bus into town so that you know the way!!

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  2. OK. Tough love! Find one small, friendly, coffee bar that you like in the city. In one of the old arcades, perhaps - look opposite the Castle. Find it first with Josh - on the bus. Then at least once a week, go in on your own, just to that coffee bar. Then walk and find a newsagent. The next time, go a little further. Cardiff is quite a logical place to walk around when you get the layout in your head. You said that you walked in along the river. You could easily walk to the National Museum. It's lovely there, smashing cafe downstairs. Very user-friendly. You could walk home. Cardiff is full of students at this time of year, all finding their way around for the first time.
    If I didn't live so far away, I'd meet you myself!
    And rant at us. We don't mind.

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  3. Just thinking re the arcades I mentioned. I don't mean one of the new-style shopping centres at all. There are/were a few old, very stylish arcades. Looking at a street map of Cardiff, I think one must be called Castle Arcade. Why not ask someone in Church. Say a friend has recommended you find them. They are much more human in scale than the vast shopping centres!

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  4. At least you realise that it is culture shock. Moving to a new place is always tough - you don't even know where the supermarket is - and with few people to help with 'orientation' it is hard - but it won't be long before you begin to make friends and find your way around.

    It is good to take a bit of time before launching into new commitments, but you will need to start thinking about getting something to do - paid work / volunteer work / study ...

    Make sure Josh reads your blog and knows how you feel ...

    What are you doing during half term, last week in October - I recall you mentioned having rooms...

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  5. I'll be praying that you find a job close by! We live in a place where we have to drive a decent amount to get anywhere, so I can sympathize. You get used to it after a while.

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  6. I love your honesty. Thanks for keeping it real. It makes us love you more! I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

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  7. Totally understandable! I hope things feel better and more settled for you soon. I am in a bit of a slump myself right now, and am finding it very hard to blog, too.

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  8. Awww... I totally understand. And I love your honesty.
    I know it's hard. I'm praying for you. I hope everything gets better soon!
    Btw, check out this post: http://mynewlifeasahousewife.blogspot.com/2011/09/liebster-blog-award.html
    I think it may make your day... or at least it may make you smile! :)

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