Visiting the big city

Yesterday we were down in Cardiff for an open-day at the college that Josh will be attending this September for his vicar training.

It was a mixed day and I have come away from it feeling a bit overwhelmed. I need a bit of time for it to all sink in really.

It was positive for a couple reasons:

• It was good to see the college and chat to the people in charge. We can picture ourselves there now we know the layout.
• It was good to meet some of the students that will be there next year. They’ll be who we hang out with so it was good to start forming those relationships now.

However, I think something I hadn’t really considered was that Josh is becoming a student again. I’ve only really ever thought of being in Cardiff as a means-to-an-end, and also felt like we were moving away from our ‘student days’ into the next stage our adult lives. It’s hard to explain, but I guess I expected us to be treated more as professionals than students. All of the candidates are going to be mature – a real range of ages but after some of the conversations we had yesterday I just feel like it’s being treated like a child again.

The main issue is our accommodation. It’s hard to explain without taking up 6 sides of A4 but in a nutshell:

• We want to live in a private rented house which our friends are currently living in (being funded by the Church in Wales)
• The Church pay for Josh’s education and accommodation
• The college own some flats which they want to fill with tenants and so don’t want us to live in the privately rented house
• Although it’s not the college directly that are funding us, it’s still difficult to stamp our feet about it because it’s not our own money, and we can’t afford to rent it without the Church’s help.
It’s not so much the fact that we can’t live where we want that upset me – it was more just their unbending attitude towards us.
They showed us one of their one-bed flats which was really grotty and would basically be like moving back into student halls. It was HORRIBLE.
I felt as if they just see us as names on a sheet which need to be fed and housed and it doesn’t really matter what we want and that we have emotions and needs – especially the fact that I’m going to be there all the time while Josh is out at college all day. I don’t want a dark, damp one bed flat where no-one can come and visit and you can only fit a two chair table in the kitchen. UUUGGHH.

We thought we would be able to see another flat but the tenant wouldn’t let us view it because it was “too messy with boxes”. I had a bit of a melt-down because he was still really unhelpful even after I pleaded with him because otherwise we’re going to have to make another five hour round trip just to see it again another day.

As I say – Josh has got all of college life and lectures to look forward to but, without a job in the pipeline, setting up home is all I have so it’s really important to me that we’re going to feel comfortable and happy where we are. Josh’s timetable is going to be very rigid; out of the house by 7.30am each day and back after supper at 6.30pm. He is fed three meals a day in college, but I’m only allowed in for two meals a week – so we won’t really be eating together.

I’m really trying to trust God. I know that he has promised that he has the best for us but I still feel scared because he hasn’t promised that it won’t be hard. We’re leaving all our friends and our support network behind and it just upsets me to think that I might be spending so much time on my own, without a job, in a new city and in a flat that I don’t want to be living in.

Sigh…this was a bit more of a rant than I was expecting, but it’s probably good that I’ve marshalled my thoughts on ‘paper’.
I know I need to pray about it more – I just really want to accommodation issue sorted as soon as possible.

We’ll see what God has in store…


  1. That all sounds very frustrating. I would be upset, too. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home. I hope it all works out for you.

  2. It's always difficult moving out. I found moving from my parents stressful, when in reality I was only moving to the other side of the city. Hope it gets sorted.


  3. I would go for whatever leaves you with the most cash in your pockets at this stage. Money will be tight. You will probably have travelling expenses when you find a job, so every little will help. There is also the issue that, as a vicar, Josh will have to go where he is sent, and accept the accommodation that goes with the posting. You will either get a beautiful but freezing cold vicarage which will cost a fortune to heat (memories of confirmation classes in front of single-bar electric fire, but in such a lovely house!) or possibly a soul-less modern house, bought for 'utility'. (Vicar in the family!!)