16.12.09

The past, present and future

Isn’t it weird how we go through seasons in life? Seasons of happy times, seasons of change…seasons of blogging every day, and seasons of not blogging at all?


I’m not really sure how to describe the last couple of months of my life, however, I can say that they haven’t been the best.


Back in the mythical time when I actually blogged regularly, you may remember I alluded to pushing doors for our future without actually going into specifics. I didn’t want to say too much because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but now I will explain all.


For the last year or so Josh has been applying to go forward for ordination in the Church in Wales. It’s a long drawn our process which can take years, but finally Josh seemed to be getting somewhere over the last few months. He met with one director who seemed to think that Josh could get through the interviews in time to go to college in September 2010 and was really pushing him through the system.


So, the last few months have been focussed on cramming for interviews and thinking about the future and what that means for us. If Josh becomes a vicar then it is pretty much signing up to a lifetime vocation, and it could actually be happening THIS YEAR.


While all this was going on work has been really busy and pretty tough for various reasons which I can’t really go into here. I still love my job, but lets just say it has been stressful and tiring too, and Josh working loads of evenings as well as studying for interviews meant that our time together was scarce.


Basically what I’m trying to say through all this ramble is that in the last couple of months I’ve felt like I’ve been in suspended animation (hence the lack of blogging – I didn’t feel like we were doing anything blog worthy!). I was concentrating so much on our future, and I was so tired just getting through the days that I forgot that I actually had to enjoy living for now.


But then we found out that Josh wasn’t going to get through the system into college this year. The board told him to wait a year and apply again then. At first we were both really upset and disappointed. It’s inevitable that it will be hard if you’ve built yourself up for something and been told that it is likely you will get through.
However, a week after we heard the news we took a short break to Pembrokeshire to relax, to catch up on sleep and to just get some quality time to hang out and talk. The rest we got over those few days away helped me to see that I had just been functioning on autopilot and that I was focussing so much on the future it wasn’t really surprising that I wasn’t feeling very happy in the present. 


Over the last couple of week I have been feeling better and better. The news that we have to wait a while still stresses me out a little – but only because I get stressed about not knowing what the future holds. I know that I shouldn’t and I’m still working on trusting that God has it in hand!


For the present we are planning to stay in Aberystwyth because moving anywhere for just a year seems like a lot of trouble just for the sake of it. So unless an unexpected job or opportunity crops up we’re staying put for the mean time. And I’m just trying to sit back and enjoy the present for a while, looking forward to Christmas* with my family and not worrying about what the future holds**.


*I bought the Muppet Christmas Carol DVD today – oh yes

**which will hopefully include more regular blogging. I’m sorry!

5 comments:

  1. I'm so happy you're back!!! YAY!
    I missed you!!
    I'm sorry you've been through all that. Hope you are better now. :) And if you need anything, just tell me! I'll try to help you or at least to support you and cheer you up.

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  2. Wow, sounds like things have been pretty crazy! Good luck with everything!

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  3. Enjoy your lives and each other - you are both stil so young, I am sure that things will work out the way you want eventually - but it's not about working to YOUR plan, is it?
    Have a lovely Christmas!

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  4. Hey, it's good to hear you're OK. It must be so disappointing to hear you have to wait another year (I hate being in limbo as well!) but at least you know it is going to happen and all the prep work that Josh has been doing this year means that next year it's more like doing revision instead.
    I hope you have a happy chilled out Christmas!

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  5. Good luck trying to find your center. I feel for your difficulty in not knowing what you will be doing, much less where it will be done. Keep your heart open, something great is in store for you this year.

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